The views of the Snark do not reflect the views or Opinions of 13th Hour Online or any of their partners or affiliates in any way. This is purely satirical and meant for a laugh and nothing more. (So lighten up Francis ) These reviews may contain spoilers of this film (or possibly others or even the ending of LOST…..sorry JJ ) so reader beware. The views expressed within are solely the views of a jaded, grumpy old man, who loves Batman a little too much, and wants you to get  off his lawn.

Thus follows a very spoiler filled review of the movie Life:

First things first, this was the weirdest remake I have ever seen. Granted I haven’t watched the original Eddie Murphy/Martin Lawrence film from 1999 for at least 30 years, but there were things in this movie that I really don’t remember from the original. Also, there were no references to the magazine or the cereal or the board game, so really, this movie was fucking confusing.


So this remake now tell the story of what happens when Bubble Boy and Van Wilder (he looks a lot like Deadpool, but isn’t as funny. Plus Deadpool would have survived more than 15 minutes) go into space with a bunch of redshirts and play a game of “Hey what could go wrong with us reanimating an alien species?”. Don’t shake your head, we’ve all done it.


What follows can only be described as a very tense game of cat and mouse as we watch this Alien species kill everyone on board until the lone survivor, Signourney Weaver…wait, I might be thinking of a different film, maybe Ghostbusters.


Anyways, you’ve seen this movie before and it was better that other time, unless they decide that this movie really is a Venom pre-quel, in which case…pretty sneaky sis.