The Snark: Review of Logan
The views of the Snark do not reflect the views or Opinions of 13th Hour Online or any of their partners or affiliates in any way. This is purely satirical and meant for a laugh and nothing more. (So lighten up Francis ) These reviews may contain spoilers of this film (or possibly other films or even the ending of LOST…..sorry JJ ) so reader beware. The views expressed within, are solely the views of a jaded, grumpy old man, who loves Batman a little too much and wants you to get off his lawn.
Thus follows my spoiler filled review of a movie about 2 Jeans, Jean Valjean and Captain Jean Luc Picard, traveling across state and country lines with a minor that they hardly know. Not the Romantic Film that it sounds like.
So apparently since the French revolution, Jean Valjean has been working as a limo driver carting around woooo girls somewhere in the ass end of Texas. Gone are his light hearted days of taking in the children of prostitutes and bursting into song, now he lives in sin with two bald men and suffers from cutlery coming out of his hands. Jean Luc Picard has decided to enjoy the twilight of his years in the past for some reason and they both enjoy the company of a British albino, because really…who doesn’t?
Valjean once again falls into the trap of a woman showing up and saying “Please! Take my underage daughter!” (for those paying attention, this might be a sign of bad things going on in the Valjean household). The 2 Jeans and the underage girl, named Laura, who also has cutlery and flips all over the place, as kids of that age do, embark on a Rain Man type roadtrip to North Dakota, by way of a gas station, Las Vegas and then some random spots in the middle of nowhere with corn and horses. Along the way, Valjean battles himself both internally and externally and lots of laughs are had all while pointing out that GMO’s are bad.
This film is a metric shit ton more violent than Les Miserables, but has far less singing, so it’s a win/win. I highly recommend this film if you like westerns or movies where older people go on road-trip with kids, picture Little Miss Sunshine mixed with the Man on Fire