The Snark

The Snark : Review of The Green Room

The views of the Snark do not reflect the views or Opinions of 13th Hour Online or any of their partners or affiliates in any way. This is purely satirical and meant for a laugh and nothing more. (So lighten up Francis ) These reviews may contain spoilers of this film (or possibly others or even the ending of LOST…..sorry JJ ) so reader beware. The views expressed within are solely the views of a jaded, grumpy old man, who loves Batman a little too much, and wants you to get  off his lawn.

Thus follows my spoilerly review of Captain Picard and the Nazi’s from Point Break Try to Kill Chekov’s Shitty Warped Tour Band.

I’ll start by saying that this movie ruled in ways that I thought were no longer possible in movies anymore. The plot made perfect sense. I actually flinched at some of the graphic violence. There was no random twist at the end.

Young Pavel Chekov and his plucky band of punk suburban rocker red shirts (though their red shirts say Minor Threat and Dead Kennedy’s, so they are legitimately “punk as fuck”) play a date in the world’s shittiest independently owned concert venue and learn the hard way that you knock on dressing room doors before barging in.

The performances were great! Chekov seemed scared for a lot of the movie, drowsy when experiencing extreme blood loss, energized when the blood loss had been stopped by duct tape and full on badass after shaving his head and applying Arnold Schwarzenegger Commando camo paint with a sharpie. Captain Picard was the scariest I’ve ever seen him outside of that time he was in drag recently…that shit was chilling. The rest of the cast was totally believable as random red shirts who’s entire purpose in the film was to die in cringe worthy ways or to apply MMA holds.

Although I loved this film, there were a few things that took me out of it though. Everybody in the band who was trapped were around the age of 20 – 25. What 20 – 25 year old is without their cell phone…ever? Why did the cops buy that a skinhead called them about being stabbed? How was the FBI not watching that place already? How did Maeby Funke forget that there is always money in the banana stand and settle for playing in a band who’s gigs pay $6 per member plus lunch? Why can’t skinheads do simple things like take doors off of hinges? Why did Chekov and Picard not take advantage of transporter technology? Why did they shoot up that dog? Why can’t they just buy red laces at CVS like the skins used to do?

But really I cannot recommend this film enough! Go see it. Do a triple feature with Romper Stomper and American History X. You’ll be glad you did.